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    Entries in food (27)


    Spicy Bacon Candy from the Man Meets Stove cookbook!

    Spicy Bacon Candy

    Soundtrack: Candy Man by Christina Aguilera

    Bacon is all the rage right now. Bacon Vodka. Bacon Chocolate Bars. Yeah, we get it; bacon is like the gods’ way of showing us they love men. That, and redheads that match on both ends.

    So how does one improve upon the best food on earth? This is why you are hanging with us. Add hot pepper. Yeah.

    Bacon, thick or thin cut

    Brown sugar

    Chili Flakes

    Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Get a clean plastic bag, and pour in a little brown sugar in the bottom. Drop the bacon into the plastic bag with the brown sugar. Close the bag, and shake until the pig is thoroughly coated in brown sugar. Open bag, repeat with more pork.

    Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil to allow for grease drainage. Crinkle the aluminum foil as you lay it in the baking sheet so that there are hills and valleys to lay the bacon on. The idea is to have the bacon sit upon the ridges, and fat and oil to drain into the valleys. The other way is to get a grill/rack to put on top of the aluminum foil. You want to make sure that the air circulates around the bacon and that the fat drains off. Lay out the bacon on the aluminum foil, making sure not to overlap bacon pieces.

    Bust out the chili pepper flakes. If you’re a girlie-man, you can skip this step. If you like to eat spicy food until you can’t sit down the next day, you’re one of us. Sprinkle some pepper flakes onto the top of the bacon strips. Use your sphincter judgment as to how much is too hot for you. If some pepper flakes miss the bacon strips and fall into the tray, no big deal.

    Bake until the bacon is crispy. Remove the tray from the oven, and using tongs (Caution: VERY hot), place the bacon strips onto paper towels to cool and harden before serving.

    Break the dried pieces, when cool, into 1-inch squares, or break them into much smaller pieces of bacon candy to use as a garnish (add-on) to salads, especially spinach salad. It also makes a kick-ass ice cream topping.

    Now for the real fun. Melt some good semi-sweet or bittersweet chocolate in a pot, and when melted, stir in the candied bacon pieces that you have not already eaten. Spoon the chocolate porcine mixture out into little blobs onto some wax paper. Allow to cool. Now you have little bits of heaven, hell, and bacon.



    Goodness Gravy - New How-to Video


    Man Meets Stove Cookbook Introduction

    We will be posting our cookbook in it's entirety, periodically, one section at a time. Enjoy! Check back in for additional sections and please tell your friends!



    Do you like to eat?

    No, do you REALLY like to eat?

    Do you like to get lucky?

    Because, my man, it is this last question that should inspire you to read on.  Babes like men who cook.  That’s right, it gives them shudders to have you cook them a great meal.  Ecstatic shudders in places you want.  If you like to eat, all the more reason to read on, because frankly, you can cook stuff that tastes way better than that worthless drive-through burger you’re sticking down your blow hole. 

    Are we being too harsh?  Deal with it, Opie.  You think bad-ass chefs like Mario Batali, Michael Symon, and Anthony Bordain got there by holding hands and singing Kumbayah?  Hell no.  We can tell you how to make a girl gasp with ecstasy with nothing more than a spoon.  With or without food on it.  So, listen up, and let’s get started…

    First, you’re going to need to start off with something simple.  If you’re reading this, you probably have been mostly fed by your momma, girlfriends, or wife your entire life.  Maybe they could cook like Julia Child (may she rest in peace); if so, lucky you.  On the other hand, perhaps the women in your life can’t tell a hand mixer from a vibrator.  The days of “Home Economics” and “Miss Priss Cooking for Ladies” classes are long gone.  Your female sidekick may also cook mostly with a can opener.  This is unacceptable.  Let’s show the world how real men do it. 

    Tip: Read all recipes through BEFORE you start. Seriously. 



    Man Broccoli


    How to Crack an Egg


    Hamburger Help Her - Military Spec

    SECTION 0H323-7N

    Hamburger Help Her 

    A.       Nutritional admixture for protein and pasta
    B.       Use recommendations for usage of completed admixture
    C.       Cheese applications
    D.       Sauce and Seasoning packet entry and introduction
    E.       The work of this section applies to protein and pasta in the following locations:
    1.       Packed office worker lunch
    2.       Packed lunch of minor sibling of prospective spouse
    3.       Hot meal served in desperate attempt
    4.       Leftover eating
    5.       Meals on moving day
    A.       Section 0H323-7 – Dry Pasta:  Pasta acquisition and use
    B.       Section 0F013-3B - Beef:  Why it’s what’s for Lunch
    C.       Section 0A001-A1 – Why bad food happens to good people
    1.3     REFERENCES
    A.       NPA 1207.2 – Dry Pasta
    B.       NPA 1222.4 – Fresh Pasta
    C.       USDA MC6 – Macaroni and Cheese for use in domestic programs
    D.       ASTM J 39/C 39LM - Standard Test Method for Compressive Strength of Cylindrical Elbow Macaroni
    E.       ASTM J 309J 74W - Standard Specification for Liquid Membrane-Forming Compounds for Dry Pasta Sauce Generation
    F.       ASTM X 666 - Standard Test Method for Resistance of Date to Alcohol
    G.      COJ CRD-C 56 - Standard Test Method for Water Permeability of White Blouse
    H.       NSFW 61 – Pictographic Symbolic Representation of Ex-GirlFriend
    1.4     SUBMITTALS
    A.       Submit only when Quality Assurance test measures have been accomplished and you have washed your hands and changed out of your mom’s old Kitchen apron.
    Addenda: Didn’t we tell you to get rid of that thing?
    B.       Product Data:  Manufacturer's data sheets on each product to be used, including:
    1.       Preparation instructions and recommendations.
    2.       Storage and handling requirements and recommendations.
    3.       Installation methods.
    C.       Manufacturer's Certificates: Certify products meet or exceed specified requirements.
    A.      Taste and Aroma Testing: As you work, taste and smell what you are cooking up, always. Because we warn you, if it smells bad it almost always is bad. This principal has broad application and only very minor exceptions.
    B.      Installer Qualifications: We know what you want to install, but you are just working up to the conversation, so cool it.
    C.      Pre-installation Meeting:  Before you serve these meager rations, you need to prepare the receiver. Stipulate that you had no other food because you gave it all to the waif orphan that came to the door just before she arrived.  Also this might be a good time to say you are off your game today in the kitchen and maybe set a small bouquet of flowers on the table.
    A.      Deliver materials in manufacturer's original, unopened, undamaged containers with identification labels intact. Scratch that, hide the dam box.  She will know, and you will know, but if you manage to charm her with the tacky apron and the flowers you stole from the neighbor lady, don’t rub her face in it by leaving the box out in plain site.
    B.      Store materials protected from exposure to harmful weather conditions and at temperature conditions recommended by manufacturer. i.e. don’t store boxes of Hamburger Helper in the shower, under the bathroom sink or in your sock drawer. In fact we are not sure you shouldn’t just take that whole drawer out to the recycle bin and start over. Socks and all.
    A.      Maintain environmental conditions (temperature, humidity, and ventilation) within limits recommended by manufacturer for optimum results.  Do not prepare products under environmental conditions outside manufacturer's absolute limits.
    1.8     WARRANTY
    A.      The product shall have a shelf life of at least one year from date of manufacturer. Product shall not be manufactured more than 45 days prior to shipping. Frankly, if the box has not gone soggy with mildew, we’re pretty sure it’s fine, just go ahead and cook it an extra minute or so, the idea being that pasta and chemical seasonings “go bad” is just good marketing. Just ask the next Cougar you see about shelf life.
    A.      See Section 0HN120085.2 - Product Requirements, for additional provisions.
    B.      Section 0HN120085.2 – Everyone thinks they have extra material, but usually it is only Brunettes.
    A.      Betty Crocker, Suizie Microwave, Rebecca Fire Pit or other approved provider
    B.      Substitutions:  Not permitted.
    C.      Requests for substitutions will be considered in accordance with provisions of Section 01600.
    D.      Section 01600 Didn’t I say no substitutions.
    2.2     MATERIALS
    A.      Fresh Tomato to add a bit of realism to this disaster you have been brewing
    B.      1 pound ground beef, not the extra lean crap, get the ground steak if you can find it
    C.      Extra Cheddar Cheese for a bump of cheesy goodness
    D.      The meat shall conform to the applicable provisions of the Meat and Poultry Inspection Regulations (9 CFR Parts 301 to 350).  Noncarcass components (e.g., cheek meat, head meat, ox tails, esophagus, hearts, elbows, assholes and similar by-products, also known collectively as “offal”) shall not be used.
    E.    The pasta delivered in the Betty Crocker 5.80 ounce box shall meet the requirements as specified in the Commercial Item Description for Pasta Products, Enriched (CID) A-A-20062D, except for the following:
    1) Only Semolina flour shall be used
    2) Only enriched elbow style macaroni shall be used
    3) Size of elbow style macaroni shall be:
    a)            Thickness                                  0.0034 inch to 0.057 inch
    b)            Diameter                                    0.190 inch to 0.220 inch
    c) Length (outer Curvilinear)                        1/4 inch to 1/2 inch
    2.3     Potable Water Contact Approval:  NSF certification for use in preparations requiring potable water, based on testing in accordance with NSF 61.
    A.       One medium sized frying pan containing 1 cup Potable Water, with well-fitting cover.
    1.       Coverage:  full pot circumference
    A.       Comply with requirements of Section 03300.
    B.       Make and test trial mixes under project conditions to determine dosage rate.
    C.       Add extra cheese and fresh tomato near end of heating transfer, otherwise following manufacturer's instructions.
    D.       Heat ground beef in pan, stirring to break up chunks.
    E.       Drain fat from frying pan after beef has browned.
    F.       Stir in 1 cup hot water
    G.       Add admixture elements, 2 cups milk, sauce packet contents and uncooked pasta
    H.       Reduce heat to medium low and cover to simmer roughly 10 minutes
    I.        Stir occasionally
    J.       Cook until pasta is al dente, remove from heat
    K.      Add admixture extras here
    L.       Sauce will thicken, so don’t waste your time.
    3.2     SECTION 03300
    A.      Dress this homely dish by browning a half of a small onion chopped fine in butter before adding the ground beef
    B.      A handful of mushrooms wouldn’t go wrong either, add those in when the onions just start to look clear, and let the mushrooms shrink down, as they will.
    C.      Cut open a single clove of garlic on the fat end, rub that around on the bottom of the pan before you add the onion and mushroom.
    D.      Add four (4) shakes of oregano or two small finger pinches to the ground beef just as it starts to sizzle
    E.      Grind some fresh black pepper over the beef as it cooks and stir it in
    F.      After you plate, give the pasta and meat a short grind of the good pink sea salt, not very much, as that sauce packet has enough salt to kill a seaman.
    G.      Before you even start down this road, consider how close Lent is, maybe you could sell her on the idea that you think the two of you should give up dinner for the day in preparation for the coming religious holiday.



    Master Class - LA Times articles by great chefs like Thomas Keller

    The Los Angeles Time has a great series of articles called "Master Class" which includes writing by such great chef's as Thomas Keller on seasoning and brining, Nancy Silverton on focaccia, Tom Colicchio on using vinaigrette as a braising liquid, and Sang Yoon on how to kick catsup into an experience. 

    Thomas Keller on Seasoning

    Nancy Silverton on Focacia

    Tom Colicchio on Vinaigrette

    Sang Yoon on Catsup

    Check out

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    Military Recipe April 1957 - Shit on a Shingle (SOS)

    Repost of a classic Man Meets Stove recipe:

    Be sure and get your carcass ready.....

    TM 10-412-1





                100 Servings
                1 cup each
                Preparation and cooking time: about 11/4 hours

    BEEF, CARCASS...................35 POUNDS
    Cut in pieces and grind (FINE).

          GROUND (FINE).............24 POUNDS

    Brown beef in its own fat in roasting pans on top of range.
    Remove excess fat during cooking period.

          CHOPPED (FINE).............1 POUND……....…3/4 QUART
    SALT………………..………..5 OUNCES…….......1/2 CUP
    PEPPER, BLACK……...……1/4 OUNCE….......….1 TABLESPOON
    BAY LEAF…………………………………….........1 LEAF

    Add onions and seasoning and mix thoroughly.

    MILK, EVAPORATED………………………..........2 GALLONS
    (WATER FOR MILK)………........…………………2 GALLONS

    Add 3 gallons of milk to beef mixture and heat to simmering, stir-
          ring frequently

    FLOUR, WHEAT, HARD.…...2 POUNDS……........1 ¾ QUARTS
    Mix flour with the remaining gallon of milk and stir into hot mix-
    Bring to a boil, stirring steadily, reduce heat and simmer until

    TOAST…………………………………………........100 SLICES
    Serve on toast.

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    Sushi Cupcakes!

    A Facebook friend of Jim's, Jen Kimura, posted that she was preparing for her mom's "Cupcake Wars Party" and then shortly thereafter started posting these terrific pictures of cupcakes made to look like sushi in a bento box! 

    Jim asked her about them and she was gracious enough to tell us:

    "I saw some posts about rice crispy sushi, but that was gross to me. And using coconut shavings was just too much coconut, so these are white jimmies/sprinkles- and much more rice-like. The decorations are shaped "Now and Later" candies, cut up gummy worms, and "Swedish Fish" candies. Some people use green "Fruit by the Foot" for the nori [sushi seaweed wrapper]. But its hard to find THAT MUCH solid green Fruit by the Foot. So I use black/ dark brown wrappers- which are not gross and sticky when you handle them - unlike Fruit by the Foot.

    When I'm lazy I use remade pillsbury classic white mix and pillsbury whipped white frosting. When I'm not lazy I use Magnolia Bakery's Vanilla Cupcake and Buttercream recipe.

    They are packed in sushi bento boxes because it's easier to transport and cuter. Because they are in the boxes, I make the mini cupcakes. Also, regular sized cupcakes are not properly proportioned. The Ginger is Now and Laters, the wasabi is green frosting, the soy
    sauce is chocolate syrup.  Hope that helps!"

    It sure does Jen.  Thanks so much for sharing your skillz with us!

    Jen got her decorations at Classic Cake Decorations in Garden Grove, California.

    Check out
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    How to turn a Tenderloin into Filet Minon steaks!