Book - Excerpt - Apricot Chicken, or, How to Get Laid

Soundtrack:  Always on my Mind by the Pet Shop Boys

4 Chicken breasts             Olive oil                                      

Garlic cloves ½ cup apricot or white wine

24 dried apricots               2 teaspoon Dijon mustard            

½ cup soy sauce                ½ cup brown sugar                         

6 Tablespoons honey

Optional – ½ cup apricot nectar

Optional - ½ teaspoon dried chili pepper flakes (add in for extra heat) or a pinch of Cayenne.

Go get yourself a date.

In case we didn’t mention it, we do like breasts.  This is pretty much universal, but is also true with regards to chicken.  Set up your gal-pal in the next room with a romance novel and get your cook on.  What, you don’t have a romance novel?  Riiiiight.  Okaaaay.

Read the instructions for handling raw chicken safely on page 10.  Crush the garlic cloves with the flat side of your chef’s knife (carefully, keep the sharp edge down! Do NOT cut yourself, lest your date associates your ability to wield a knife with your ability to wield something else), peel off the dry skin, and slice the cloves.  Four garlic cloves or so should be sufficient. 

Wash the breasts in the sink.  The chicken breasts.  Don’t get distracted on us now.  If there is skin, remove it with a short, sharp paring knife or filet knife.   Cut the breasts into strips, removing any excess fat as you go.  In a large frying pan, add olive oil and place in the chicken.  Using medium heat, cook the breasts until the strips are no longer pink, but still moist and soft, turning occasionally to ensure both sides are cooked.  Remember, control your fire, we know there’s a girl in the other room, but now’s not the time to get all excited and lose your cool.  Add oil occasionally, if necessary, to ensure things stay moist in the pan.  Add drinks occasionally to ensure things stay moist in the other room.  Remove the chicken from the pan and place it onto a temporary plate.

You are going to make your apricot teriyaki in the same frying pan, so don't clean that pan!  Add the garlic to the pan, with a little oil, and sauté the garlic for a few minutes, stirring so the garlic doesn’t burn.  Pour in the soy sauce, wine, optional apricot nectar, brown sugar, Dijon mustard, bay leaf, apricots, and honey.  If you are using lite soy sauce (!) add 50% more soy sauce.  Stir and scrape the chicken bits off the side of the pan into the liquids.  Keep stirring occasionally while cooking.  You want to cook and reduce the liquids until they turn into a thick sauce, called a glaze.  Reduce the heat once you have your glaze, since you don’t want to burn it.  Remove the bay leaf, and add the cooked chicken back into the glaze.  Stir the chicken around for a couple of minutes until well coated with the apricot teriyaki glaze/sauce and then plate it.

This dish has always been popular with the ladies.  We like to eat it over rice with a side of broccoli.  Serve it up with a nice glass of wine, and wit.  If you haven’t got the latter, well, give her more wine.